I Statements

Do you often find yourself in arguments or disagreements and wonder why? Do you feel your point of view is not heard? Or your feelings are ignored? Would you like to have more effective communication with the important people in your life?

The solution may be as simple as using I statements instead of you statements. Using I statements shows ownership of your feelings and emotions. You statements often make other people feel defensive or feel they are being blamed. I statements are more assertive and you statements are more aggressive.

I statements provide information on how you feel and what you are thinking. Maybe the other person doesn't understand why you are hurt or angry. By sharing details of your feelings, you help the other person know how to respond or change.

Here is an example. "You make me so mad because you don't listen." This statement blames the other person and the other person will often become defensive. Try saying "I feel I am not being heard when I share my feelings. I need to know you heard me."

Be patient. It may take several times using your new skill before other people notice. We often create patterns of behavior in our relationships. It takes time to change these habits.


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